its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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