if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
