my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
