I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
