my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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