u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
