There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
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I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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