Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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