well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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