Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
