I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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