Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
