last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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