If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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