when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
