Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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