rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
