now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
