I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND