Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.