He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.