My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
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Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.