Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
