She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
