I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
