well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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