I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
