franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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