just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
