I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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