I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
