and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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