I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
