i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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