It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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