just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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