these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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