Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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