Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
