i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
