Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
