dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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