you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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