You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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