I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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