my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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