dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sober January is a disaster.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
