I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
