So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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