Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
