I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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