i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
