K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh god it's open bar.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
