I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
