Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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