so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize