How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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