According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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