Cold hands, warm shart.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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