Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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