There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
