he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
