No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
