So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
