Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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