Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
