My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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