the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
