just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
