I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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